Why do we hate some people?

15126255_10211526538309038_2102663743_o-1Have you ever felt disappointed in someone or really disliked them or even hated them.

Well, it’s said that what we see in others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves. In other words what we critique in others is what we most fear to become or what we’re insecure about.. and what we praise in others is what we aspire to be.

My psychology professor said something that really resonated with me. “We often make the mistake of not realising a person’s behaviour is separate from who they are as a human being” – Dr Rose Johnson

For me, as a person who tries to understand human behaviour it really set off a light bulb in my mind.

Our being is not defined by the patterns of our behaviour

Meaning who we are as a soul in this universe has a purpose that far outweighs the behaviours we choose to practice. The person you ‘hate’ has the capacity to change and so do you. We create sequences for the way we do everything: get ready in the morning, work ethic, relate to other, handle our emotions etc. We can identify these sequences and make a conscious effort to change them where we see fit.

The fact is we all have the power to create and change our patterns of behaviour whether the change is negative or positive is entirely up to you. Do not underestimate your internal strength; the source of your will. This is where God dwells. He created us with it and nothing you do can make it go away; no external struggle or life circumstance.

You have the potential within you to be exactly who you want to be and a built in strength\light to manifest it.  The worst thing you can do is put yourself in a box and even worse put some else in a box. Your past does not define your future or present. Your reality is what you make it like a painter with a canvas.

~Be open to painting a positive reality and know that you have the power to create a happy life for yourself.

Is there a lesson in every mistake?

 

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Unfortunately, there are some lessons we can only learn through experience.

One such lesson, ironically, is that you don’t need to experience
everything to experience growth.

People don’t like to admit it but there isn’t always a lesson in every mistake. Some mistakes are just painful and frankly you could of did without them.

A lot of people find themselves in a state of mind where they are always racing against time seeking immediate gratification.

As you get older, in reflection you look back and laugh at the emphasis you had put on attaining things that now mean nothing.

Its funny because..Time is fluid. Human beings have tried to measure and constrain it with labels such as seconds, hours, years; but that’s a tragedy. We need to flow with time not race against it.

In constantly trying to force things you end up making unnecessary mistakes and after all the hassle, anxiety, even heart break..

Guess what? life goes on. There is still time. Time to fulfill your ever evolving dreams and desires.

Just be still.

Look at the big picture. Stop chasing experiences that aren’t contributing to your development.

It might sound cliché but listen to the universe. Learn to let go of things that aren’t for you, especially those that are becoming obstacles.

Flow is the word.

Flow with what life is giving you.

The secret is to pay attention to your state of mind. Understand your current internal situation in relation to your external.

Being self-aware will help you to accept and flow with change while avoiding mistakes. You will be able to make better decisions that will improve your overall development.

~life is less like a race and more like a long walk along the beach.

Don’t Just Survive-Thrive

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So I’m making my way through adulthood and suddenly everyone around me seems to be realizing what seemed far into the future, reality..

The reality of a society that doesn’t exactly facilitate an environment for you to thrive.

Quite the opposite actually, we must fight to survive and dare to take it a step further.

To Thrive

To Prosper

According to evolutionary psychologist we naturally hold on to negative experiences so we can avoid threats in order to survive longer. As much as this is necessary to avoid basic physical dangers, each being has a purpose to offer the world that is far more than just your natural instinct to survive.

We have to fight to learn from and to let go of our negative experiences, so we can focus on all the positive achievements and changes that can be made through faith and hard work.

It takes enormous strength to rise above and dig your way out of the very tempting comfort of normalcy and routine; a life of unfulfillment, doubt and very little faith, but you can do it! its worth it to feel like you are giving and contributing something positive to the world.

In consciously deciding to live in your purpose, you will automatically begin to see things falling into place, doors opening for you, opportunities coming your way because you are doing what you were designed to do.

Life is remarkable that way, miraculous that way- you could be struggling for years being unfulfilled, feeling inadequate and as soon as you decide to love and do what you love, so much positivity and success will begin to come to you in a short period of time.

In reflection I had an epiphany- we are not meant to look for the good in the world, we are the good, we are the light in this dark world.

We are the lanterns that bring warmth and love, we light the way for positive change, revelations and revolutions.

~you must refuse to let negativity cloud your mind and dull your light because we need you, we need each other. The day each individual truly understands that will be a beautiful day.

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Unshackle Yourself

13383786_10209968055467941_1120478586_oEveryone has the potential for greatness. The human mind is so gloriously complex we cannot even begin to conceive its infinite possibilities.

Everyone should strive to be acutely aware of their strengths and weaknesses. However, we are not God; we don’t know the beginning and the end.

-That’s where faith steps in-

Don’t waste time worrying and feeling defeated because your circumstance is only as far as you allow your mind to see. To begin to comprehend the potential of who you are and what you can really achieve is insight that can only be tapped into spiritually or shown to you by God.

So as we strive for self-awareness we mustn’t forget to have faith in the places inside ourselves where we are not yet aware.

In your darkest and cloudiest moments, when you don’t know which direction to move in remember to believe in yourself…

Remember you have the potential for greatness. You are literally designed to be astoundingly magnificently great.

It is your job to believe in yourself and tap into the spiritual gifts that have been given to you by God. We may experience consequences for our actions on this earth which hinder us from receiving our blessings. However God does not take away gifts he has given to us.

~Each day holds potential for your greatness

What God has designed for you transcends any social construct. There is no class or race system that can define your destiny.

~Your mind is the source of your freedom

Freedom from self-doubt, from resent, from depression, anxiety… everything that hinders your development.

Acknowledge your circumstance and take it for what it is; a small notch in the sea of time that is your life. Use your circumstance to your advantage, to achieve your destiny.

~It is your prerogative to nurture and use your gifts to better yourself and the world around you.

~You are the head and not the tail  (duet 28:13)

Is Love Instinctual?

13140876_10209786696054069_1066892007_nI recently was speaking with a friend and he said, what I consider to be the most disturbing thing.

I asked him rhetorically “Isn’t it innate for people to want to love one another.”

Without pause he replied shaking his head “I don’t think so, it’s quite the opposite.”

I must admit for a second I allowed myself to believe it but the thing is logically this is not so…

When we are born, as a baby all we emit is love.. innocent, almost miracle like love.

We are designed to love, with love by the love of God.

And nothing that you go through on this earth as a human being can change that. We all hold the potential to have compassion and to take care of the life that exists around us.

As I read my daily word from “I Declare” by Joel Olsteen, day sixteen’s declaration read “I declare I will live as a healer.” Just this line solidified the way I was feeling. We are not just flesh and empty vessels.

Whether you nurture it or not God has placed inside each of us a spirit that has the potential to heal life that is sick or hurting.

One of our assignments in this life is to never lose faith in love regardless of the afflictions of this world.

~Always love, especially where there is confusion and darkness because it is always the best way out.

Be Single and Be Happy

Instasize_0418025924[1]A lot of women elicit my advice, primarily relationship advice and I tell them all the same thing because there is a common thread among what they all seem to want..

People tend to think because women are generally more emotionally intelligent we crave the emotional drama of a relationship. In actuality, we just crave all the initial emotions that come with the infatuation stage of a relationship just like men are known to crave.

Human beings are all the same.

…We want instantaneous “love”, sexual attraction, butterflies, the delusion that the other person is perfect -all the good feelings…

Ironically, the men that approach me for relationship advice actually want long term relationships. They want someone that’s wife material – intelligent, good looking and kind-hearted, but most young men find that they are not ready for a relationship so they either leave it alone or enter into a commitment with a single person’s mentality and make a mess of it.

Overall, I think people take relationships too lightly. They don’t actually think about what kind of relationship they want and so when identifying a partner they choose badly, ending up with someone that has different wants and needs.

As it relates to women, I don’t think most single women realize that the infatuation stage doesn’t go on forever because, frankly, it’s a chemical imbalance that fades overtime. Its like they understand the premise of a relationship but haven’t quite fathomed the details.

Relationship= fall in love, date, get married, have a family and live happily ever after the end.

..But what happens in-between..

A relationship is not a “fling”. In a fling there is no commitment and it comprises mostly of the infatuation stage. Eventually flings end for whatever reason. Most commonly because one person has developed deeper feelings for the other which neither party bargained for.

On the other hand,  a committed relationship (the in between\ what follows the fling) is one in which you voluntarily decide to love and put up with another person usually for a long period of time.

People always forget “the put up with” part..

As if you yourself only have good qualities and this other person who you’ve basically decided to share your life with somehow also only has good qualities.

But that’s just the beginning. You don’t just have to deal with someone else’s idiosyncrasies; you then choose to allow somebody else into your life whose opinions and decisions you value. Forcing you to both learn how to handle the conflicts that arise in the relationship.

Let’s not forget, it doesn’t end there, that’s if you have a good relationship. As we all know people enter into committed relationships with the intention of loving and never truly love and the intention of being committed and never truly commit.

Furthermore, people don’t like to admit it but there is a cosmic thing that happens when you meet a really good partner, it doesn’t happen all the time and that’s ok.

Everything happens in its own time and season.

When you meet a fitting partner you should have the same relationship goals and both be able to emotional achieve those goals.

Sounds simple but life is complex and so are relationships.

..And that’s just a fitting partner.

When you meet a soul mate type of partner you not only have the same relationship goals but life goals. Usually these people’s paths are so aligned that they are able to naturally aid each other in every aspect of each other’s lives from career-family-love.

Hence, when you are thinking about being in a romantic relationship remember it is not a necessity but something that happens when you are mentally, physically and emotionally ready at the right stage of your development, and not coincidentally but I like to think ordained, when your partner is also ready.

My advice to these women is…

And it goes for everybody.

Introspect on what kind of relationship you want and choose a partner that wants the same kind of relationship.

Also there is nothing wrong with not being in a committed relationship… until it’s your time…

Drink and be Merry

Date with Caution

~Be Single and  Be Happy

 

 

 

Your battle in life is not with Others but with Yourself

12595922_10209261531925294_1306712549_nI am concerned and disheartened.

I think I just have really high expectations of people. Recently, I’ve just been disappointed with people on a whole.

In general, it seems to me that a lot of people like negative energy -saying and doing negative things and hoarding negative feelings. Other than the fact that you are intentionally hurting others, you are more so hurting yourself.

Disappointed is an understatement. I am flabbergasted, unimpressed and sick to my stomach.

I found it hard to wrap my head around this whole thing. Looking at it from different angles:

-You need the bad to appreciate the good

-The thrills one may get from doing negative things

-The immaturity of not realising the consequences of hoarding negative feelings

… and though I understand these different perspectives..

I think people need to understand that doing, saying and holding on to negative thoughts literally damages your soul.

Your soul is the essence of who you are. It is the source of your motivation, energy and spirit. It is what enables you to take on the world each day. Each day you endear to love, find pleasure in life and peruse your dreams.

When you live negatively, hurting yourself and others..

Each time you damage a little piece of your soul. You counteract the positive energy you naturally have.

Instead your motivation comes from anger, hate, misery, resentment, unforgiveness and jealousy. Soon you will find in order to pursue anything in your life, even get out of bed, you will automatically call upon a negative source of motivation.

I pity souls that have not learned this or understand its consequences.

The more you keep negative people and thoughts around you, the more negative your life will be. Not negative in the sense of obtaining material successes but negative in your mind, body and spirit. In your mind and spirit you will never know peace. You will have moments of happiness but no lasting joy.

Surround yourself with love, be loved and give love.

Each person has to consciously fight for their joy because it is easier to succumb to negative emotions than it is to love.

~There is a direct relationship between being positive to yourself and others and having a truly joyful life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Couples Are Too Quick To Say “I Love You” And It’s Causing All Kinds of Problems

LIVING THE LAI

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Nowadays… a guy will meet a girl, exchange numbers, send flirtatious messages, go on several dates, ask her to be his girlfriend… and in a few months, they’ll say they’re in love. Like, they’ll literally spend all night talking on the phone and at the end of the conversation, he’ll say “I love you” and she’ll say “I love you too”.

Awwwwwwwwww

Or better yet, she’ll call him when he’s with his friends, and at the end of the convo, she’ll deliberately say “I love you babe” … just to see if he’ll respond… and he’ll whisper surreptitiously “I love you too.” And his friends will laugh and carry on.

In all seriousness though, love isn’t a trivial thing. You can’t fall in love with someone after a kiss or a romantic getaway. Love is a process that requires patience, consistency and proactivity. It takes time to fall in love with someone and…

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