A lot of women elicit my advice, primarily relationship advice and I tell them all the same thing because there is a common thread among what they all seem to want..
People tend to think because women are generally more emotionally intelligent we crave the emotional drama of a relationship. In actuality, we just crave all the initial emotions that come with the infatuation stage of a relationship just like men are known to crave.
Human beings are all the same.
…We want instantaneous “love”, sexual attraction, butterflies, the delusion that the other person is perfect -all the good feelings…
Ironically, the men that approach me for relationship advice actually want long term relationships. They want someone that’s wife material – intelligent, good looking and kind-hearted, but most young men find that they are not ready for a relationship so they either leave it alone or enter into a commitment with a single person’s mentality and make a mess of it.
Overall, I think people take relationships too lightly. They don’t actually think about what kind of relationship they want and so when identifying a partner they choose badly, ending up with someone that has different wants and needs.
As it relates to women, I don’t think most single women realize that the infatuation stage doesn’t go on forever because, frankly, it’s a chemical imbalance that fades overtime. Its like they understand the premise of a relationship but haven’t quite fathomed the details.
Relationship= fall in love, date, get married, have a family and live happily ever after the end.
..But what happens in-between..
A relationship is not a “fling”. In a fling there is no commitment and it comprises mostly of the infatuation stage. Eventually flings end for whatever reason. Most commonly because one person has developed deeper feelings for the other which neither party bargained for.
On the other hand, a committed relationship (the in between\ what follows the fling) is one in which you voluntarily decide to love and put up with another person usually for a long period of time.
People always forget “the put up with” part..
As if you yourself only have good qualities and this other person who you’ve basically decided to share your life with somehow also only has good qualities.
But that’s just the beginning. You don’t just have to deal with someone else’s idiosyncrasies; you then choose to allow somebody else into your life whose opinions and decisions you value. Forcing you to both learn how to handle the conflicts that arise in the relationship.
Let’s not forget, it doesn’t end there, that’s if you have a good relationship. As we all know people enter into committed relationships with the intention of loving and never truly love and the intention of being committed and never truly commit.
Furthermore, people don’t like to admit it but there is a cosmic thing that happens when you meet a really good partner, it doesn’t happen all the time and that’s ok.
Everything happens in its own time and season.
When you meet a fitting partner you should have the same relationship goals and both be able to emotional achieve those goals.
Sounds simple but life is complex and so are relationships.
..And that’s just a fitting partner.
When you meet a soul mate type of partner you not only have the same relationship goals but life goals. Usually these people’s paths are so aligned that they are able to naturally aid each other in every aspect of each other’s lives from career-family-love.
Hence, when you are thinking about being in a romantic relationship remember it is not a necessity but something that happens when you are mentally, physically and emotionally ready at the right stage of your development, and not coincidentally but I like to think ordained, when your partner is also ready.
My advice to these women is…
And it goes for everybody.
Introspect on what kind of relationship you want and choose a partner that wants the same kind of relationship.
Also there is nothing wrong with not being in a committed relationship… until it’s your time…
Drink and be Merry
Date with Caution
~Be Single and Be Happy